more computer problems

Dear Technical Support,

18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.

Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better. I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left avirus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this productsoon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use upall my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus andCleanhouse2005. Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically storedinWife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.

Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to myAudi RS4 hard drive, it often crashes.

Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which can't be turned off. Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2005, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2005, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself.

the problem with computers

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed adistinct slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the Flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such asRomance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as: Football 5.0, Rugby 4.3 and Cricket 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs; it simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do?

Signed, Desperate ------------------

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind,

Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try entering the command: C:/I-THOUGHT-YOU-LOVED-ME to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works asdesigned, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 todefault to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will create Snoring Loudly. CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law. This is not a supported application and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memoryand cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally would recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck, Tech Support ------------------

so who wants to lend me £61,000..?

...so i can buy an overly priced super machine also refered to as the audi rs4 - with selectively choosen optional extras (all of them of course). rate 'my audi' here...

or if you're feeling like a cheap skate money grubbing so and so then how about four hundred quid so i can wreck the second generation tt down at silverstone...

go on, you know you want to donate to this worthy fund...

rss stands for really stupid syndication...

...well it must. i've just spent a whole episode of men behaving badly attempting to add that functionality to this blog - no, i can't think why either but these are the things one does when bored. after finally battling the millions of "must read" pages and blurbs i got to the well-done finale. yet it seems when clicking on the logo/icon - from now on to be called 'the stupid orange box' - readers only get to see the first 25 posts uploaded. well that's helpful, isn't it. i'm off to find some coca cola...

i dont have word...

so the new laptop came with microsoft works - i get the oxymoron now.

all i want to do is turn 'er indoors latest essay thing into something her prof's can read. they cant read works. for some reason pdf wont do. for some reason the later the hand in the more marks lost.

anyhu, in fighting against the obtuse nature that is microsoft. ive tried bittorrent. ive tried pdf conversion into email. wordpad, notepad and in the end i just sent it via msn to bungle. bungle the man of the hour did something his end - i emphasis something on account i'd like to sound as if i understand what went on. i don't. nearly 50 mins later we have something to send as an email that the lazy woman with word who cant be annoyed downloading works can read. i say bring back pen and paper, surely less hassle.

anyhu. bungle wasted good 'girls aloud' watching time to help so tonite's blog is a big thank you to the man from belfast. one wonders where the comp sci meekster was :)

i'm back....

well, i think i am. this is a test post to see if I remember how to use this thing again after 'er indoors used the auld laptop as a shot glass. she's been told, grrr.... £500 this thing cost me, can't even remember what model it is. do know it has intel of sorts in it - keeps making the stupid noise all the time. brb.

clueless

i have no idea how to add something on that stupid box on the right hand side which simply states "rant" below "about me"... can damn stupid grrrr. anyways lets think people, what do i do? yes, you, sat there reading this. what do i do?