delivering in the dales

i've given up driving down farm tracks to drop off leaflets - some of the buggers' measure in miles and can be annoying, rocky and bumpy. the escort lost its exhaust heat guard because of them.

and as for the dogs...

a little something

so work just too busy for me to have the time to blog, heres a remotely amusing youtube thing for anyone who is still popping over. later.

belgians mock fife constabulary

after reading exclusively here on the Y campaign about how fife police refused to chase down a stolen subaru impreza because it was carrying eggs, the belguim car manufactuers decided to poke some fun at their celtic brethren.

after collaring the crooks doing 12 mph over the forth road bridge

(have you tried going faster?) they dragged the stolen merchandise back to the low countries, melted down the loot and rebuilt the impreza.

learn more about the chocy belguim charade.

hattip to total shambles.

police defend decision not to chase the egg (anymore)

commenting after photographs suggest that part of the £70,000 worth of stolen cadbury's easter eggs were seen been driven at high speed across st andrews famous old course, local police from the fife constabulary defended their decision not to give chase.

"ack, jiz becorse we has proof tha the eggs were bein' carried in the twoked subaru impreza along the famous st andrews bridge, does nae mean wi will act." said chief inspector pointless. "efter scotland's pathetic showing in the six nations it is national policy te nae longer chase eggs in public. anyone wanting the neds caught shud wait until they make it te france, or ireland, ack, te anywhere else where people can actually chase eggs."

bbc scotlandshire has confirmed reports that the stolen impreza was seen driving in excess of 61 mph in a 60 zone along the a91, and would normarily receive 20 drving points. the hitherto unknown leader of the scottish liberal democrats promised firm action should someone actually vote for them in may's elections: "such high powered horse-less carraiges damage our precious things with their brooms brooms and desirable ability. we would protect our trees and stop these polar bear killers; if only we had people in the cabinet in holyrood!" bemoaned nicola something.

the eggs were stolen two days ago by three masterminds who spent hours trying to out-wit the delivery lorry driver, as lazily reported by the Y campaign here.

i doubt they will eat £70,000 worth of easter eggs...

there's something childishly amusing about the story of three plucky robbers who drove off with £70,000 worth of cadburys easter eggs.

it seems our daring triplets duped the delivery driver by telling him the lorry was shedding its load. when the driver jumped out to inspect his cargo the musketeers jumped in and drove off along with a subaru impreza gettaway car.

But they may end up eating the snacks themselves, as a Cadbury spokesman said
the eggs would be hard to sell.

reports the socialist beep... erm, does the beep really believe they are not going to find anyone in the whole of yorkshire who will buy easter eggs that almost fell off the back of the lorry? don't be stupid.

seemingly oblivious to the steaming stupidity of his own workforce (surely drivers spot stuff falling out of their lorry in their mirrors) a cadbury spokesman went right for the jugular with this crafty statement:

"The criminal fraternity are pretty thick,

not so think they can't do you out of £70,000.

some chips to go with that panther burger

and if you manage to avoid getting mauled by the scary black panther whilst out on the hunt, and suceed in making your own bbq burgers in hysteria sauce, you can always wash it down with a bag of chips, peeled for you by an 'elderly getnleman'...

hmmm, lunch

that time of year again folks when the big, black cats are sighted around yorkshire. one of the 'small' things i missed about the area living in scotland is that panthers were never seen pottering about fifeshire.

the local newspaper reports:

A BLACK panther has been seen prowling a remote hillside in the Yorkshire Dales, according to reports. Day-tripper David Sykes said he saw the animal between Beckermonds and Deepdale, in Langstrothdale, between Hawes and Buckden, on Sunday.

according to the police this is not uncommon:

"There are several sightings every year in the county, but we have not yet found any concrete evidence."

so, tally-ho. i'm off to find the hounds and bag me a pather burger.

normal service resumes

no, i do not mean this blog - that sorry saga is several posts below - i mean toccionline has returned to being interactive.

the genius that brought us the clever i can't afford my gasoline (may need to hit replay) went silent on the video and game front for a while and i eventually forgot about him. the other day i got an exicted email alerting me to the new britney spiers game.

to waste time for 5 mins go and shave brits hair.

if you're new to toccionline check out his homepage and watch some videos; he may be a leftie but hes still clever and entertaining, and well worth a look.

do you think ill get a comment from the grammar nazi this time?

news that the home office will text illegal immigrants is met with strong support

not stolen from the spine as someone accuses me off doing.

mr eugenides is also in support of the plan.

but the plans biggest support stems from theo with this, followed later by this - or was it the other way round?

the one thousand brake horse power crash!

a bugatti veron is wiped out by a vauxhall astra! utter genius!

clarkypoos: this car has power

astra driver: 'er, pass us me buckies big man!

hamster: this is a familiar feeling...

a bugatti veron, as this article also points out, is a fast and powerful fucker. with 1,000 bhp it can reach speeds of 250 miles an hour (or 67,000 kilometer thingies) and costs about as much daivd millibands hair. it can out run formula one cars, it can do 0 - 60 quicker than it will take you to reach this sentence. and it crashed doing 40 in surrey!

i'm not sure why this story amuses me so much...

it seems you can get arrested for wearing a red nose

shopping trolley "terrifies" woman

in what has to be the daftest story of 2007 so far, i bring you the case of the woman "terrified" by a tesco trolley.

"I was terrified," she said. "I tried to swerve away from the trolley..."

the story goes that a gust of wind blow an errant trolley in the direction of julie dearrings shitreon c2 (pictured) and scrapped the paintwork. julie is now demanding 'several hundred pounds' in compensation for damages to the car and for distress!

Mrs Dearing was unhurt and managed to stay on the road - but was left shocked and upset by the incident. The car, which was bought less than a year ago, suffered a dented front wing which will cost several hundreds of pounds to fix.

what a pathetic moron. though i do like the reporter's writing style "...[the moron] managed to stay on the road" why will it cost so much to fix a dented front wing? is her car made of gold? are shitreon's so easy to brake?

i'm still confused as to why tesco should be liable for a) another customer not replacing the trolley in the trolley bay b) the wind being, well, windy. this is simply an acident, a pure by-chance event of the kind that happens in life everyday. this woman needs to grow up and except that she can't sue someone everytime she's not happry with what life throws at her.

read more here.

daz really does get your blog whiter than white

the old blue, narrow blog has gone. Y took the campaign in for some cosmetic surgery and dr theo spark got his scalples out; creating the picture from the paint job idea i came up, and then worked on how to tweak the html to widen the posts and created the button link. fellow campaigners will find a few more buttons down there on the right; these link to dr theo sparks other blogs (one is best not to open at work whilst the other generaly has fun at horneywood's expense). the rogue gunner also chipped in so here's a plug, and another.

so what do fellow campaigners think of the new look? good old winston churchill ready to machine gun socialists and the boro badge... pure quality. 'the live with it' replaced by some good advice too.

"please come again"

some say i stole this from theo; they lie :-)

i suppose it keeps them off the street

have you heard the one about three little old ladies from county durham who knitted jumpers for penguins in australia?

well you have now.

new setback for wembley stadium

just when we all thought wembley stadium was on course to be finished some time this decade, someone went and let john prescott jump up and down nearby; watch this!

the truth be exposed

http://theospark.blogspot.com/2007/02/loony-bomber.html#links

fake dr gillian mcfuck

i once called her the most annoying person on t.v.

for those who have met terry.

as part of the terry watch campaign i advise you have a look at this astute observation.

you vs the rest of the country!

so who - like me - has only just discovered politicalsurvey2005 ? for those uninitiated you answer a series of questions on your politics and it generates a series of tables and charts to plot your beliefs/answers against the country. the country's answers come from polling for the 2005 election.

i was not surprised with the results it for me but i was very surprised to them compared against the country at large.

the first graph gives a snap shot of where you are on thee auld axis of beliefs. in this graph the vertical line ranges from socialist to free-market. i came very free-market, more than the majority. across the horizontal the range is from internationalist/rehabilitation through to hang'n'flog 'em and eurosceptic. i came almost dead centre - with the rest of the country! wierd.

the analysis goes on:

The results on this page refer only to your position on the first and most important axis. Positions on this axis describe your views on crime and punishment, Europe, and other transnational issues including immigration and international law.





it seems that 37.8% of men and 36.0% of women are to the right of me on these issues. now i find this quite surprising; i always knew i could be a tad liberal on these issues but i hadn't realised i was dead centre with the country and that a third are more right than i! curious. i wonder what questions pushed me to the centre; i have a tacit support for the death pentaly for the likes of hindley and shipman et al and am definately pro custodial sentences over rehabilitation (asbo's assured to get me going). maybe it was because i don't really mind about differing cultures/sexuality and all that stuff governments shouldn't be getting involved with.

moving on:

The results on this page refer only to your position on the second and less important axis. Positions on this axis describe your views on public and private involvement in the economy, international trade, redistributive taxation... and Iraq.



a whopping 84.3% of the country polled to the left of me with only 4.2% of those claiming to be conservatives to the right of me on these issues and only 2.2% of my age to the right. well, that's settled then.

the country is with me on the social issues but needs re-educating on everything else! :-)

anyone else slightly surprised by the results they got?