delivering in the dales

i've given up driving down farm tracks to drop off leaflets - some of the buggers' measure in miles and can be annoying, rocky and bumpy. the escort lost its exhaust heat guard because of them.

and as for the dogs...

a little something

so work just too busy for me to have the time to blog, heres a remotely amusing youtube thing for anyone who is still popping over. later.

slow blogging weekend

work and all keeping idle thumbs busy, but ive changed the interactive stuff on the right there for some amusement. football fans will especially enjoy the sport bit.

reality check

i really wanted to continue the unprovoked attack on scottish sporting failures that i'd started the other day with the egg chasing competition; i had even started on another daft picture taking the piss out of their embarassment in another english game, exported to the colonies, cricket.

but the murder of pakistans coach, and former england great, has taken the fun out of the sport and brought the realities of life back to the fore. sport is meant to be a laugh.

the spine sums it up with this image.

why not, its doing the rounds

belgians mock fife constabulary

after reading exclusively here on the Y campaign about how fife police refused to chase down a stolen subaru impreza because it was carrying eggs, the belguim car manufactuers decided to poke some fun at their celtic brethren.

after collaring the crooks doing 12 mph over the forth road bridge

(have you tried going faster?) they dragged the stolen merchandise back to the low countries, melted down the loot and rebuilt the impreza.

learn more about the chocy belguim charade.

hattip to total shambles.

police defend decision not to chase the egg (anymore)

commenting after photographs suggest that part of the £70,000 worth of stolen cadbury's easter eggs were seen been driven at high speed across st andrews famous old course, local police from the fife constabulary defended their decision not to give chase.

"ack, jiz becorse we has proof tha the eggs were bein' carried in the twoked subaru impreza along the famous st andrews bridge, does nae mean wi will act." said chief inspector pointless. "efter scotland's pathetic showing in the six nations it is national policy te nae longer chase eggs in public. anyone wanting the neds caught shud wait until they make it te france, or ireland, ack, te anywhere else where people can actually chase eggs."

bbc scotlandshire has confirmed reports that the stolen impreza was seen driving in excess of 61 mph in a 60 zone along the a91, and would normarily receive 20 drving points. the hitherto unknown leader of the scottish liberal democrats promised firm action should someone actually vote for them in may's elections: "such high powered horse-less carraiges damage our precious things with their brooms brooms and desirable ability. we would protect our trees and stop these polar bear killers; if only we had people in the cabinet in holyrood!" bemoaned nicola something.

the eggs were stolen two days ago by three masterminds who spent hours trying to out-wit the delivery lorry driver, as lazily reported by the Y campaign here.

i doubt they will eat £70,000 worth of easter eggs...

there's something childishly amusing about the story of three plucky robbers who drove off with £70,000 worth of cadburys easter eggs.

it seems our daring triplets duped the delivery driver by telling him the lorry was shedding its load. when the driver jumped out to inspect his cargo the musketeers jumped in and drove off along with a subaru impreza gettaway car.

But they may end up eating the snacks themselves, as a Cadbury spokesman said
the eggs would be hard to sell.

reports the socialist beep... erm, does the beep really believe they are not going to find anyone in the whole of yorkshire who will buy easter eggs that almost fell off the back of the lorry? don't be stupid.

seemingly oblivious to the steaming stupidity of his own workforce (surely drivers spot stuff falling out of their lorry in their mirrors) a cadbury spokesman went right for the jugular with this crafty statement:

"The criminal fraternity are pretty thick,

not so think they can't do you out of £70,000.

Next year, the indications are that you will be £320.36 worse off.

bugger.

just played with the budget calculater on the beep and am delightfully informed that gordon broon will be nicking an extra £320.36 in tax rises off me. this is before council tax rises are included.

here's the breakdown:

i'll loose an £156 in fuel duty but will be given a whole £5 back due to the escort not considered a bad polluter.

Fuel - this year 4802.16 - next year 4958.16 - difference £-156
Vehicle excise duty - this year 40 - next year 35 - difference £+5

the rest is made up from swindling from fags, booze and becuase i commit the heinous crime of flying. a few other increases all equate to the price of a season ticket at the boro.

cheers very much you fat bastard.

another prediction comes up trumps

yesterday the campaign predicted this for the budget:

i reckon the middle class will get hit with hidden (stealth) taxes whilst broon will raise the tax band for the poorest. i reckon income will rise by a few pence (probs one)

today mother beeb in all her socialist glory wrote:

Chancellor Gordon Brown announced a cut in the basic income tax rate from April 2008 in a surprise move at the end of what is likely to be his last Budget.

i should be on their payroll.

some changes to note

on the right are added a few new things to play with. along with the usual 'motor of the week', which will now be a youtube of something that amuses me there are added a blogthing quiz and a sporting moment of the week. something interactive to pass a few minutes of the day with.

there's also an email to contact the campaign should the wish become overriding.

feel free to comment below with any comments, suggestions, questions and complaints.

a total shambles indeed

can i refer you to a blog that is not updated frequently, and involves more tourettes style posting than this campaign, for a moment? the blog is totalshambles.

the most recent post bemoans the inability of one student to climb the property ladder and strike out alone as an individual. it reads:

Judging by the TV guide tonight, I'm wishing I could afford my own place ( which I can't thanks to high student debt, low graduate salarys and runaway house prices thanks to that fucking cunt of a bastard (sorry, please excuse the language but I can't see why the people of Great Britain are obsessed with voting the dick back in) leader of the government; just so that I could get sky, cause theres fuck all on, and because of reasons outlined above, I do not have the disposable income to go out drinking tonight, despite the fact that this is St Patricks weekend (and to all NI folk obsessed with tribal sectarianism - St Patrick was not x or y, he was CHRISTIAN, in an attempt to spread christianity amongst the pagans of Ireland. This was before Henry VIII decided to fuck every girl in England...) .

oh yeah, and the blog is based in norn ireland.

so here's the thing. the thatcher government sold off council houses which gave people ownership and personnel wealth. this allowed for greater social mobility and let people move on and up. the bliar government has hit my age group with so much tax that it is simply unable to afford the same opportunities. tax reduces mobility and constrains peoples future plans. how can students with huge debts manage to get out of debt, onto the ladder and on with families and life if they're too busy paying off ridiculous student debts?

its a shame the conservatives no longer run on abolition of student debts. but then, we have done so for the last two elections and lost both times, so logic must override and a change in policy and attitude must prevail.

tomorrow is budget day. who fancies taking me on with this bet; i reckon the middle class will get hit with hidden (stealth) taxes whilst broon will raise the tax band for the poorest. i reckon income will rise by a few pence (probs one) which will bring relief to at least a million people. ironically, the way the tax system works it will also force as many out of benefits as it will more profitable to get jobs. a clever tactic if he does it. any takers?